


Mi Amor

by WindyQ



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, GONKILLLU PLZ, Gonkillu - Freeform, I just want Gonkillu food, I just want Gonkillu food idc if it’s not as clickable or read as much my peoples, I just what am I who am I sleep, I like validation cuz I try but I’m a big dumb poo poo head too, If this is a whole ass mess just pretend it doesn’t exist for me I’m sorry and dead, I’ll be dammed if I waste amor on one of my old ass bad fics, Ki has trauma okay, M/M, No one reads Gonkillu on this site is that ever gonna stop me tho no I am Gonkillu simp, Not Beta Read, alone I’m reusin the title with a little twist, give Ki love 2021, give him love plz, idk I’m brain dead and tired no no one is gonna read at the time I’m posting so tags what are those, logic doesn’t exist in this brain only self doubt and Gonkillu, uh, who needs validation I need food that’s a lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindyQ/pseuds/WindyQ
Summary: Gon’s hands are strong, strong and rough, they have been since he was little running around Whale Island, climbing trees, and befriending animals much larger than him. He makes sure to be as gentle as possible with every touch. Tugging his fingers up to brush some of Killua’s sweat soaked hair out of his eyes, the pad of his thumb pressing under Killua’s cheek. Softly, tenderly wiping away some of those tears. There’s a flicker of recognition in Killua’s eyes, one that makes Gon’s heart soar. He presses Killua flush to his chest, fingers draping across the younger’s thin waist, protectively. Every touch is strong, but not in the way Killua is used to. Not strength that would restrain him and hurt him. Strength that would protect him, gentle, profound strength.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 24
Kudos: 78





	Mi Amor

Gon isn’t surprised to be woken by a blood curling scream. He isn’t, but when amber eyes snap open his sternum aches with how choked out it sounds. The way the scream lingers in the air, pained, so desperate. It cuts right through his muscle and skin and smashes through bone, making him jump out of the bed instincts taking over. 

He shouldn’t have let Killua convince him they should sleep in different rooms. Sure, outright confronting him wouldn’t have worked. Killua had been especially cagey all day... but Gon could’ve used something, anything... three different rooms would be too expensive. Then again, Killua had already accounted for that and Alluka ended up in the same room with Gon, Killua a separate one. Gon should’ve pushed harder. Killua had been distant and weirder than normal... his smiles clearly fake for Alluka’s sake. 

His heart is pounding so loudly in his ears, fear and rage trickling down in pools of sweat, hands clenched in fists of iron, veins popping. He was terrified someone was actually hurting Killua... with how he sounded... even though Gon knows Killua is more than capable of taking care of himself, in his sleep even... 

Gon doesn’t waste time. His adrenaline is spiked with fear, he punches a hole straight through the wall to Killua’s room. It probably wakes everyone in the little motel up, including Alluka, but Gon doesn’t care.

“Killua!” 

Gon steps over debris from his newly created door, panic rising in his chest. His best friend was slumped over in a heap on his bed, legs entangled in a sheet, and slim digits grasping at his thin tank top as he gasps for air. 

Gon pads across the room, trying to temper how loud his footsteps are as he rushes over, dipping a knee into the creaky bed, before settling down. He’s slow with his movements, despite how much he wants to grab Killua and pull him into a bone crushing hug. He tentatively brushes his fingertips against Killua’s shoulders lifting him up in hopes that’ll help him breathe easier, ever so gently looking into those scared broken eyes. 

Those giant blue eyes blown wide open in fear, tears pooling at the corners, making Gon swallow his rage. To kill whoever hurt Killua this much a thousand times. Seeing that fragile look, feeling Killua shake under his light grip, and hearing his mumbles is enough to make Gon’s heart split clean in two. 

“No... no, please... I’m sorry... I’ll be the perfect assassin... no more... please. It hurts. No more... please... I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I’m scared. I’m scared.” 

Like a mantra over and over, every word is another knife plunged and twisted into Gon’s chest, making it hard to breathe. Killua... knowing Killua was in so much worse pain, had been in so much worse pain... 

How.

Dare. 

They. 

He has to bite back every urge to tighten his grip. 

Gon’s hands are strong, strong and rough, they have been since he was little running around Whale Island, climbing trees, and befriending animals much larger than him. He makes sure to be as gentle as possible with every touch. Tugging his fingers up to brush some of Killua’s sweat soaked hair out of his eyes, the pad of his thumb pressing under Killua’s cheek. Softly, tenderly wiping away some of those tears. There’s a flicker of recognition in Killua’s eyes, one that makes Gon’s heart soar. He presses Killua flush to his chest, fingers draping across the younger’s thin waist, protectively. Every touch is strong, but not in the way Killua is used to. Not strength that would restrain him and hurt him. Strength that would protect him, gentle, profound strength. 

Gon rubs light circles against Killua’s back, through the soaked fabric of his over-shirt. Killua doesn’t say anything, but Gon listens carefully full of intent to every breath Killua takes. The heavy gasps like he’s being plunged underwater, choked with sobs, slowly start to calm down. If it didn’t get better Gon would have used the techniques he asked Leorio about. 

Killua seems so tiny in his arms pressing his face into his chest like this and sobbing. Despite the fact that they are relatively the same size, he seems impossibly small and fragile, and Gon tugs Killua closer, squeezing his eyes in pain, burying his nose in Killua’s hair. 

It hurts more than anything that he can’t do anything more for his best friend, Gon wishes more than anything he could go back in time, go back and time and save Killua. A small broken child, crying on the cold dark floor, bleeding out. They are fifteen now, but whatever small time they have left of a ‘childhood’, Gon won’t let Killua suffer anymore... he won’t be selfish this time. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got Killua... I won’t let anything happen to him. I’ll protect him, I promise. I’ve got Killua...” 

His own mantra repeated over and over. He wouldn’t let anyone lay a hand on Killua. 

Killua’s sobs eventually reside to a stop, only a few sniffles. Gon’s heart still feels heavy, but when Killua shifts under him and Gon pulls away offering Killua the biggest brightest smile he can. 

The ashamed look on Killua’s face as he rubs the heel of his palm under red puffy eyes, makes Gon’s heart break again. 

“Kil-“ 

“I’m fine.” 

Killua snaps, voice hoarse, eyebrows pinched together and tears slowly welling up in his bloodshot eyes, and Gon can’t take it. That pretty face being scrunched up in pain. The kind gentle soul he loves more than anything distraught. When a sob tears from his lips that’s all Gon can take. 

Gon tugs Killua right back, ignoring how he squirms, even weakly hits Gon in the chest. He shushes Killua will all the love he can, running featherlight touches against his spine. Killua shivers under him, and Gon’s shirt is a mess of snot and tears by now, and Gon doesn’t care. He just mummers soft reassurances to Killua. Over and over. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got Killua... it’s okay, my love, it’s okay.” 

Killua stiffens, and Gon freezes his breath catching in his throat as Killua looks up, confusion flickering in those perfectly beautiful eyes. Gon’s heart feels like breaking again, because Killua is confused. He’s staring wide-eyed and dumbfounded. 

“W-what? My... love...?” 

Gon can’t take it. That Killua would be confused by something Gon feels so truly. It’s because of them, them and their sick, twisted, hatful love. 

“Did you bonk your head, stupid?” 

Gon shakes his head, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against Killua’s, grinning widely, his small dimples showing, fingers tugging Killua in closer and never letting go. 

“Nope! Killua is my love! Killua’s my everything! My sunshine! My moon! My stars! My sun!” 

Every word he fills with strength and love, love they never gave him, as Killua’s blotchy cheeks; pale ivory and pink, go red. It’s beautiful. Killua’s beautiful. Gon doesn’t want him to be in pain anymore. Some might think it nothing more than childish adoration making him say something out of a romcom. That’s not it at all. Despite what it seemed, his childish nature, and baby face, Gon was intelligent, and he knows with all his heart he loves Killua. 

Killua blubbers, those long slim beautiful fingers, digging into Gon’s shirt, as he buries his head into Gon’s shoulder. Gon smiles, so softly, fingers petting Killua’s locks of hair. Killua is light as a feather, really, but the weight of his head and body craning into Gon makes Gon’s heart skip a beat. He hums happily, tracing circles around Killua’s bony shoulder blade. He isn’t even sure how long they stay like that... Gon feels his eyes get heavy a few times before he shakes himself awake. 

Killua’s light breathing and drooling all over his shoulder makes Gon peer down fondly, as he lifts Killua up with ease, warmth ebbing in his chest. He wouldn’t let Killua have any more nightmares, not tonight, not ever, he’d never let the Zoldyck’s touch Killua again. 

Gon walks through the hole in the wall, sort of sad he can’t see the cute little blush that will bloom across Killua’s features when he tells him he punched a hole through the wall for him, but Gon supposes he can wait. To alas also be scolded too... although, he might already get scolded as big blue eyes stare at him, Alluka standing there in her pink pajamas, worry pooling in her eyes. 

Alluka must have heard her brother’s screams, now and before, she probably always worried about him... So Gon grins, ending up on the side of the bed almost falling off, Killua pressed against his chest, Alluka on the other side, hugging her brother from behind. Gon lovingly caresses Killua’s cheek, and Alluka yawns, peering at him through sleepy eyes. 

“You really love big brother, huh?” 

“Mmm. I love him lots.” 

Alluka grins, slowly closing her eyes. 

“Nanika’s glad, so am I.” 

Gon smiles, although she or Killua can’t see, reaching over and tugging the sheet over her and Killua more, leaving one of his hands to rest on Killua’s waist, the other Alluka’s shoulder. 

He was glad too.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, ignore how ooc mess and bad this might be, I got no sleep, so I went to sleep for like 40 mins and my dream gave me inspo so I wrote this, and it might be pre terrible I don’t genuinely know lol I’m v tired. But I just wanted to write Gonkillu with Ki’s trauma. And there’s never too many Ki having nightmares and being comforted fics. I’ve done Uhh one other and this probs won’t be my last I might’ve done more too, idk, but there’s never gonna be enough. 
> 
> Also uh I have smth to adress! I’m like really bad at descriptions I know and now I feel I just lost any progress I may have made I am gomen. What is this just dialogue fanfic? Probs looks like it a lot I’m gomen! I promise! I’m trying! To be better! I’m just v slow, v, v slow improver and I know there’s other stuff to work on too! But I-I idjsiejsid I’m just trying to improve one thing at a time, my writing trash all around but I still have time to slowly improve... right? Right?! I know compared to some who’s first fanfics are like blow you away mine last year on sept the 4th?? I think was like the complete opposite and I haven’t grown a super lot since then, but I’m a slow learner, I promise I’m trying with all my heart! This is just a hobby for me so imma be one of those people and say no constructive crit please. I know I gottta lotta work to go I don’t need anyone to tell me, I am very aware of and good at critiquing myself, I am trying, but I’m also just trying to have fun! 
> 
> And I just really want Ki getting love! And Gonkillu the lack of Gonkillu makes me cry.
> 
> Maybe validate me with a comment? I uh tried really hard 😖 I’m v tired. Have you ever noticed that’s just ti and red like tie red.  
> 👉👈  
> Thank you for reading 💙 If you want to see me complain lol or! Just want loving Ki hours all the time cuz Ki deserves better! You can find me on my tumblr! http://windyqs.tumblr.com/ twitter! https://twitter.com/windsqs or on my discord! I also rp Ki there and I could always use more rp buddies or friends I am a lonely bean WindyQ#6831


End file.
